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5/15/05 07:29 pm - "This shit is bananas/b-a-n-a-n-a-s!"

So a friend of mine and I kinda hacked into his facebook. Well I shouldn't say hack. I knew his password. We looked at some of his incoming and all of his outgoing messages. He's leading at least two girls on right now which makes me feel bad for definitely one of them (the other one not so much because she's kind of a bitch.) The other one though seems genuinely like a nice person and I'll feel bad for her if she decides to hook up with him this fall. She doesn't even know what she's getting herself into. A part of me wants to start running towards, screaming, "Get out while you can! Save yourself!" because he's nothing but drama and pain. Whether he realizes it consciouly or not, he's looking for anyone and everyone who will willingly hook up w/ him just so he can have a girlfriend. And if he finds someone else who is prettier/has more money/whatever, while he's with this girl, he'll dump her.

Like I said, this girl seems so nice and I really wouldn't wish him upon my worst enemy. (Well maybe my worst enemy but not most people.;))

Should be studying for a final....

4/28/05 02:13 pm - "You lost your trust..."

Big/good changes in my life are taking place in myself internally as well as externally.

I find things out about people everyday that make me more and more glad I severed ties between us. Some of these things kinda hurt but then I remind myself where they're coming from and all of a sudden these comments completely lose their legitimacy and justification. He's a kid who doesn't know what he wants in every sense of that phrase- he doesn't have a moral backbone...doesn't know who he is...changes his mind every two minutes about everything. I can't trust him. I'll be nice but I won't be emotionally open.

I hate to sound like "Almost Famous" here lol but I've been wanting to be around places/people that are real. I want to get away from Johnson County and Kansas and all its perfection and face and handle real issues. Live amongst real people who know that worthy and valuable things in life cannot be bought. Certain people in life think that once you have this and that in the future, then you'll be happy. And I'll be the first one to say that that's not the case. I've been on both sides of the fence and while shopping for nice clothes can be fun or whatever, the brightest and most beautiful part of my life was when I was young and we weren't financially well off. If your goal when you get out of college is to make a lot of money and live the high life, I'll save you the time and effort - you're going after the wrong thing. I promise. Being wealthy isn't a bad thing, but if you're basing your happiness in it then you're just fooling yourself.

If you ever have the chance to travel (especially internationally), do it. It'll broaden your views and perception on life dramatically. I had to go watch "Maria Full of Grace" for the 8,000th time this morning for one of my classes and it's just always so refreshing to get your mind out of your petty little problems, away from your boring surroundings and enlighten yourself on the events that are happening outside of your little world.

2/20/05 10:47 pm

*walk in whistling*


*walks out*




(not surprised.)

2/18/05 05:45 pm - I know you haven't made your mind up yet/ But I'd never do you wrong..."

"But I think I got the best of him."

It makes me feel good knowing that. I don't think it would've gotten any better. I didn't have to deal with any of his major flaws that now my friends are dealing with. He's selfish. It would've ended in conflict.

1/31/05 10:13 pm - "It is so strange the way things turn..."

What would've normally been considered a really crappy day by most standards actually turned out to be quite okay luckily. I know I'm being tested spiritually right now like whoa and I'm alright with that. I just hope I'm passing.:)

If I wasn't tight w/ Jesús Cristo, I really don't know what I'd do. Probably be really depressed.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more fun.

12/27/04 07:51 pm - "Maybe I'm little bit over my head/I come undone over things he says..."

Fuck him. Fuck. Him. I'm through.

I'm tired of thinking about him. I'm tired of being hurt by him. I'm tired of news that we even dated getting around to people I barely even know and when they inquire about him, I have to tell them we broke up. Because of him. Because he was chicken shit. Because he freaked out over nothing. Literally nothing.

This relationship just won't die down and we haven't even said a word to each other in the past few weeks. It's like a small scale Bennifer. Everyone keeps asking. Why do they care so much? It just keeps opening up an old wound.

Speaking of opening old wounds, ten bucks says he's dating whatsherface. And he has the nerve to tell MY best friend "great news." If I were her, I'd go tell him to shove it up his ass and he's a complete prick for doing that to me. But I refuse the play the role of controling, psycho ex girlfriend. I have too much dignity and too much pride. Not to mention, he doesn't deserve it. He shouldn't feel valued like that. And slowly, that's beginning to be the case.


I went to Lawrence today con mi mami and we had amazing Japanese food and went to Urban Outfitters. It was bloody fantastic.


12/22/04 11:13 am - "I just had to call you/I had to hear your voice/tell you I still love you/we still have a choice.."

Whooo I'm feeling the heat. I need to learn about 7 songs for tomorrow.

I'm sick of thinking about him. He should be the one hurting, not me.

8/14/04 12:49 am - "Nobody on the road/nobody on the beach..."

We all have our addictions but why can't I just get over it? I've done everything I can but at the end of the day, I'm just too weak to resist it.

1/11/04 03:50 pm - "The little boy made for me in the stars/...I can't let you go..."

Got the new Nelly Furtado CD. Her lyrics are's ridiculous.

This girl is driving me outta my mind. She has everything/one I absolutely want and she's miserable and complaining.

1/8/04 09:43 pm - "How stupid could I be/ a simpleton could see/ that you're no good for me..."

My dad decided to all of a sudden be an ass when I came home tonight. I had rented "Hamlet" to memorize the "to be or not to be" soliloquy for English. I thought it would be easier to remember it when I can envision Mel Gibson saying it. (And I was right may I add). Then he goes off about how that's dumb I can't just remember a few lines (okay, actually it's not just a few lines) and how he has to give 45 minute speeches and then I proceed to tell him that his speeches are not in Old English (or whatever kind of dialect Shakespeare wrote in) and he's like, "the topics I present are not simple," and I just told him to "shut [his] mouth, no one cares what [he] think[s]." Then he tries to make it into a big ol' joke when he was obviously just being critical to begin with. I was talking to my mom later when she brought it up and she said he's just had a rough day and yada yada yada.

THAT is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. I CANNOT stand it when people take out their problems on others. It is the most weak, selfish, annoying, stupid, pointless, pathetic, wimpy, non-excusable thing anyone could do. The people around you like your family or whoever are not responsible for your crappy day so don't try to excuse yourself for being an ass. It not only makes the people around you feel bad for no reason, but also it's just not necessary. Go run a mile or lift weights or scream or something but don't make others the victim of your inability to cope with whatever situation(s) you may be in.

Okay, enough venting. </vent>

School's been going good. First day back and my new classes should be easy and I like my teachers. So that's cool.

I think I some sort of stomach virus that I've been desperately trying to avoid by keeping my mind off of the toilet and what I need to be doing instead. I could barely get out of bed this morning, I was shaking so bad. I went downstairs to eat something hoping that I would feel better and it helped a bit but I still feel a bit icky here 15 hours later. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
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